The Fear is Back

I thought we were past the fear but last night again it came back.  Hubby and I were out by the car when we heard screams of terror inside the house. In an instant, I feared the worst we rushed back in and Little Bug was trembling in fear, tears streaming down his face and screaming at the top of lungs, “there’s a bug in here, it’s a mosquito, it was right there next to my chair”.  I searched but couldn’t find it.  Daddy ran to get the fly swater as I held Little Bug in my arms as he clung to me with all his might.

To you this may seem like the silliest thing ever.  But to us, it is one of the hardest of pains on our hearts to see the fear in Little Bug’s eyes when he sees a flying bug.  As I hold him close and try my best to comfort him, I hold back tears myself.  The desire to make these fears go away just overwhelms me and the knowledge of knowing I can’t crushes my heart.

In an instant he goes from being the brave, strong and I can beat any challenge kiddo to this extremely frightened, illogical, no reasoning with him, child who needs his mommy to save him from this horrible creature that is larger than he is.   In his mind (or maybe it’s truly how his eyes see) this tiny creature, is worse than any monster imaginable.

He’s done so well, I thought we had gotten past this.  With the mosquito season gone maybe I just made myself believe he was past this and he really wasn’t.  I don’t know sometimes.  All I know, is that as I sit here writing this, my heart aches, my tears fall but I never give up hope.  Someday, I know someday, he won’t shutter in fear of these tiny creatures, I pray this never happens in front of those that will laugh, point, stare or bully my baby but someday he will truly get past this.  But until this day comes, my baby will have my arms to come to for safety, for hugs, for protection, for strength, to shed a tear with him for any and every need.

Well, later that evening I did find that horrible mosquito that frighten my son and squashed him.  How dare he scare my Little Bug! My son had every right to be scared.  This was one of those HUGE and I do mean HUGE Texas size mosquitoes.  That thing scared me.  If you live in Texas you know which ones I’m talking about.

More Results, More Food Allergies

I can’t believe this. In yesterday’s mail, I got the results for the last blood work the DAN doctor had Little Bug do.  So, I’m thinking Okay, I know he shouldn’t have gluten, wheat, dairy, oranges, eggs and soy.  He eats pretty well, lots of salads, tomatoes, carrots, corn – pretty good veggies right?

WRONG!

Here are the things this report is telling me he’s allergic to and should be removed from his diet as well as putting him on the GFCF diet.

Asparagus, carrot, cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, corn, cucumber, garlic, gluten, grapefruit, lemon, cow’s milk, orange, pineapple, rye, wheat and yogurt. (new allergy foods in red) And now my favorite grocery store isn’t carrying the coconut milk he can have.

Where does it all stop.  Every time they do a test they find more things. Pretty soon my kiddo is going to live on water.

I am finding some inconsistencies though.  I was told he was allergic to eggs and soy, yet on this workup the eggs and soybeans came up with no allergy level what-so-ever.  Now I am totally confused. Time to contact the doctor and find out what that means, is he or isn’t he allergic to eggs and soy?  If he’s not that will help some.  I just wish I understood what each of these foods is doing to his body and mind.  It’s not an outward thing so what’s it doing to his insides?

More Results Equal More Supplements

Well, we went back to our DAN doctor for the results of the two test kits we’ve sent in so far.  Some good news, it isn’t Candida and his mercury level was within normal limits (actually pretty low) so I was glad to hear that.  Little Bug was also checked for Celiac Disease which she said also came back negative so it isn’t that either.  Also very glad to hear that.  We do still need to get him on a GFCF diet though.  Little Bug apparently has a lot of allergies especially to foods.  Now to figure out what foods he can eat and better yet, how to get him to eat them.

I’m not the best in the kitchen, ok, so I stink in the kitchen/cooking department.  This is going to be a difficult one to overcome but we’ll give it a try.

The doctor says he has a leaky gut.  Now, I’ve heard of this before and I think she’s right on track with this one.  Little Bug has never seemed right when it came to his gut but I could never get any other doctor to even check him.  All I was ever told was, “here, put him on this (as they handed me a prescription)” and when I asked for how long I got this, “for the rest of his life”.  Uh, no! That doesn’t work for me.  So, first things first, we have to get Little Bug’s intestines working correctly and healed before we move much further.  I think the new GFCF diet is a major part of that healing for his body and the enzymes to help his body break down the foods he does take in.  I think the GFCF diet is going to be a more difficult hurdle for me to overcome than it is him though. It’s a whole different way of thinking about food, more work, more preparation, more caution when it comes to eating out or eliminating it all together.

One thing, I though was odd was that Little Bug’s cadmium level was pretty high.  As I read the report and how these levels could be so high, I couldn’t understand how as it seems to mostly relate to cigarette smoke.  We don’t smoke and don’t allow our kids to be around anyone that does.  Hmmm?   Still scratching my head on that one.

Little Bug had more supplements added to his list of daily supplements and I think I’m spending more time giving him supplements than I am at work.  At least, I have the flexibility right now. I hope it keeps up.  And speaking of that, one mom I ran into the other day at school says to me, “he is very lucky to have a mom like you that will do all that for him”, and she doesn’t hardly know me.  That really made me feel good and I needed that.  After this visit, I was just overwhelmed again.  I hope not every visit to this doctor is going to be so overwhelming.

They drew more blood for more testing so as soon as we get those I’ll update you again.  Hopefully it will be good and not require any more supplements.  I don’t know how much more I can put into Little Bug on a daily basis.

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