I thought we were past the fear but last night again it came back. Hubby and I were out by the car when we heard screams of terror inside the house. In an instant, I feared the worst we rushed back in and Little Bug was trembling in fear, tears streaming down his face and screaming at the top of lungs, “there’s a bug in here, it’s a mosquito, it was right there next to my chair”. I searched but couldn’t find it. Daddy ran to get the fly swater as I held Little Bug in my arms as he clung to me with all his might.
To you this may seem like the silliest thing ever. But to us, it is one of the hardest of pains on our hearts to see the fear in Little Bug’s eyes when he sees a flying bug. As I hold him close and try my best to comfort him, I hold back tears myself. The desire to make these fears go away just overwhelms me and the knowledge of knowing I can’t crushes my heart.
In an instant he goes from being the brave, strong and I can beat any challenge kiddo to this extremely frightened, illogical, no reasoning with him, child who needs his mommy to save him from this horrible creature that is larger than he is. In his mind (or maybe it’s truly how his eyes see) this tiny creature, is worse than any monster imaginable.
He’s done so well, I thought we had gotten past this. With the mosquito season gone maybe I just made myself believe he was past this and he really wasn’t. I don’t know sometimes. All I know, is that as I sit here writing this, my heart aches, my tears fall but I never give up hope. Someday, I know someday, he won’t shutter in fear of these tiny creatures, I pray this never happens in front of those that will laugh, point, stare or bully my baby but someday he will truly get past this. But until this day comes, my baby will have my arms to come to for safety, for hugs, for protection, for strength, to shed a tear with him for any and every need.
Well, later that evening I did find that horrible mosquito that frighten my son and squashed him. How dare he scare my Little Bug! My son had every right to be scared. This was one of those HUGE and I do mean HUGE Texas size mosquitoes. That thing scared me. If you live in Texas you know which ones I’m talking about.
© 2010, Nanette Gomez. All rights reserved.
{ 1 comment }
Oh Nan, my heart aches for YOU. As a Mother, I can only imagine how hard this is for you. I love my boys just as much as you do yours, so knowing that I know it must break your heart. I wish I could hug you right now.
Nell
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