This morning, like every morning I drive to take Buggy and Princess to school. And like every morning before they get out of the car and start their school day, I give them each a hug and big kiss and I get a big hug and kisses from them too along with a “bye mom” or “see ya later mom”. Princess always and I mean ALWAYS looks back and blows me a kiss and I of course return the blown kiss. It’s a memory I’ll always cherish. What a wonderful way to start my day huh? It is, it really is. Buggy gets out as he returns he teacher’s “Good Morning, how are you today?” with a “good morning, I’m doing good today”.
But as I was driving off today, it hit me like a ton of bricks. It was like a flood of memories all of a sudden. It wasn’t always like this. Princess always gave me a kiss and has blown kisses at me every school day since her first day of kindergarten but Buggy no, things have changed.
It must have been the first two or three years of school that he would just climb out of the car. He wouldn’t return my efforts to say goodbye though I continued to try everyday as well as wish him a good day at school. He didn’t kiss me in the mornings after I’d give him a kiss. He wouldn’t respond or even acknowledge a teacher’s greetings. It was as though he didn’t even hear it. He’d walk right into the school without so much as a glance back. All part of this thing called autism. I remember driving off in the car and crying, just wishing for “goodbye mom” or a glance or blown kiss but it didn’t happen. Not for so many school days.
Wow, that seems so long ago now. He’s changed so much. He’s so social now. He won’t get out of the car if he hasn’t given me my morning kiss or at the very least blown me a kiss and say “kisses” if he’s being rushed out of the car by the school staff. If we’ve had a rough morning and he gets out of the car still upset at me, I’ll still wish him a good day and tell him I love him. Sometimes he won’t respond but by the time I get back to the house I always get a phone call from his teacher and she puts him on the phone. He’s usually so upset that he didn’t tell me goodbye that he feels bad and needs to call and tell me. I reassure him once again I love him and as soon as he sees me later that day, I usually get another apology, the biggest hug and kisses.
As emotional as those flashbacks can be, they are good reminders of growth. He’s feeling those emotions he didn’t feel before. He’s getting those connections. It’s just simply amazing to see how much he’s grown physically, mentally, emotionally.
© 2011, Nanette Gomez. All rights reserved.
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