I was reading a blog post the other day and she was telling about a breakdown she had. The post really made me think cause after all she went through, the stress, the supermom mentality, the not cutting yourself some slack and feeling guilty for taking a quick nap during the day one comment she made really hit home. She said the problem was she’d forgotten how to be mom. She was trying so hard to be supermom being mom got lost somewhere along the way.
I really felt like she was talking about me. Maybe it happens to a lot of us moms. We wear so many hats during a single 24 hour period we forget to take the hat off and enjoy the ones we are doing it for. Yes, I spend way too many hours here in front of the computer (at least that’s how it feels sometimes). I don’t think I’ve had a full night’s sleep since oh somewhere back in early 2000 before my first child. I spend everyday running back and forth to the school making sure my kids have what they need when they need it. I work from home, when I can get the work. I drive back and forth to therapy session after therapy session, dr. appts, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes.
And you know I wish I could just half of that time sit and play with my kids without my brain telling me, “you’ve got dishes to do”, “you’ve got laundry” and “fix the beds”, “go through that pile of papers on your counter” and on and on and on.
Yesterday, Princess was home ill with me and I was as usual having to run here and there and back and forth and then I realized we only had another couple of hours alone just her and me. I spend so much time caring for Little Bug’s needs that Princess doesn’t get my attention hardly at all. She reminded me of that the other day in the car with her, “you like him more than me” comment. I tell ya that one hurt. So, I forced myself to turn my brain off for a little while and that nagging voice in my head that reminds me of what I need to do and she and I sat together on the couch, snuggled up under a sheet, snacking on chocolate ice cream and watched Little Bear and Olivia on the DVR. It felt so good to bond with her.
Last night after we said our said prayers and our goodnights I told her how much I enjoyed sitting on the couch eating ice cream with her, she smiled really big and said it was the best day ever and I was the best mommy in the whole world. Yes, it choked me up.
I guess I was guilty of it too. I was so busy trying to be SuperMom (not succeeding at it though) that I forgot, Princess and Bug don’t want SuperMommy, they just want “mommy”. Now to just tell my brain that and slow down and enjoy the babies I have and love dearly.
© 2010, Nanette Gomez. All rights reserved.
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