Wow, I can’t even explain this week so far. I can’t wait for it to be over and start a new week, a calm week. I felt like I’ve been the worst mom ever this week. Someone hand me the bad mommy crown ’cause I was the queen of it. My stress level has just been over the top?
Is it the change in weather, seasons, kids back in school? What? I’m not even sure if anything has changed, I just seem to have lost my patience. Poor Princess, she gets the raw end of the deal all the time it seems, she worries as much about little Bug as we do. She’s become big sister even though she’s only 6. She doesn’t get near as much attention as little Bug does. She has to leave school early to make sure he gets to therapy. Her life as well as ours revolves around little Bug and doing all we can to help him ’cause we love him so very, very much. Homework time is the worst lately. I know no one likes to do homework but Princess has to do most of hers on her own since helping little Bug with his is so time consuming. I kid you not, the other day it took 3 hours to complete 2 math problems. I mean seriously, how do you help a child with a comprehension level of a begining first grader to complete complex third grade level math?
It’s so frustrating for him, so frustrating for all of us. I just wish I could wrap him up in my arms and protect him from everything. Keep him from having to do the things that cause him to struggle so much. The things that cause him to break down in tears from frustration. The things that cause anger to well up inside him. We’ve shed so many tears, hurt so many feeling, wiped away so many tears with little hands, given so many hugs and kiss, just trying to get through the homework for this week. I don’t know how it’s supposed to get better. The further into the year we go the harder it is going to get for little Bug. What I wouldn’t do to get him out of public schools and into a school that could really help him but sadly I cannot.
These are the times, the fears, the thoughts of failure (mine as his mommy not his), the uncertainty of his future brings me down. These are the times I just want to scream “OK YOU WIN” at this brain disorder that holds my little Bug but I can’t, I won’t. I sit and cry alone in the dark, hoping my kids won’t hear me. I pray they never know my fears. I pray I can overcome this frustration that builds inside me and my patience returns. It’s what I need to keep going. It’s what I need to help my children. They need for me to be the best mommy I can be. I pray to be that mommy for them.
© 2009, Nanette Gomez. All rights reserved.
{ 2 comments }
I won’t even try to say that I know what you are going through because I don’t. I do offer you my shoulder anytime you need it or my ear if you need a sounding board. Chin up and just keep loving those kiddos.
I’m sorry Nan. Though I don’t have the same exact issues, I can relate to frustrations and tears shed.
Nell
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